When my father asked me what I wanted for my 23rd birthday, I replied that I wanted the porn star Audrey Bitoni. I'm waiting for porn star Audrey Bitioni in a hotel suite, which surprised me since I never imagined he would take me seriously. I'll pay you to come hang out and take my rocks off. Huge tits and everything. Though my dick is erect and I'm eager to party, I'm quite apprehensive. I want her to do anything and everything—suck it, screw it, tug it—she's the dover pro; she knows all the tricks. Fuck it. I am so looking forward to this joyful conclusion to a happy motherfucking birthday. Regards, Pop.